Katrina, my Bestie:
First of all, I love you and miss you. And with that said, I wanted to tell you about something we have talked about very briefly, but I must remind myself of daily and I wanted to share it with you as well. I hope you get something out of it like I did.
This is a powerful tool we often overlook for "being" in our world. It is ignored for things like pushing and pulling, forcing and manipulating things to suit our own needs and desires. But - what if everything we are looking for is already available, but we are just not allowing it? I know, this sounds elusive and confusing so let me take you a bit deeper. It will give you the steps to understanding it, how you may be blocking it, then how to allow it. If you need more resources, or love, company or time, I would be willing to bet you are not allowing these things in.
1. What does it mean to allow?
According to dictionary.com, the word allow can mean:
1. To give permission to or for; permit:
2. To let have; give as one's share; grant as one's right:
3. To permit by neglect, oversight, or the like:
4. To admit; acknowledge; concede:
5. To take into consideration, as by adding or subtracting; set apart:
6. Older Use. to say; think.
7. Archaic. to approve; sanction.verb (used without object);
8 To permit something to happen or to exist; admit (often followed by of).
These are all great examples of the word allow, however, I would like to put together a few of these and rewrite it for a spiritual or healing use, so here is my definition:
Still pronounced the same, come on, I am not an actual dictionary.
1. To admit or permit through the act of not blocking whatever is present at any given moment.
2. More of a state of being where you are mentally at any moment physically, versus looking into the past or future, mentally (in your head) and not seeing what is right in front of you.
3. A state of stopping mental and physical movement to feel and observe without bias, just curiosity.
4. A state of curiosity that is held without judgment, which means the allower had released all past issues around current events.
Let me give you an example if this seems a bit too “out there” to grasp. I will give you examples from various coaching clients and turn it into one story that can be applied to many people, maybe even you.
Me: So what happened on this first date?
Pretend Client (PC): Well, it was going great, until she said “OMG! I love traveling to other countries!”
Me: Okay. This is great since you like to travel too. And you have to travel a lot for your work. Right?
PC: Yes, I do. But the way she said it sounded like my ex wife.
Me: Do you think that may be a generalization? Many people love to travel to other countries.
PC: No. I don’t want to end up with anyone like my ex, so that is a red flag for me.
This is a very extreme example of not allowing, but you would not believe some of the rules we make up about relationships based on our past. And when we make up rules about how things must look, sound, or be, we are not allowing whatever is there with anyone else. We are only looking for the triggers that may appear like similarities to other relationships that failed. When our time is spent searching for our triggers, we are unable to see the other stuff. The stuff that may make you connect, rather than reject.
In my example, this man will not date this woman again because she said this very general statement about traveling. And he is so terrified of repeating his mistakes from his last relationship, that he is living in his past and using it to judge his current relationships or lack there of. He is not allowing himself to move past the last relationship enough, to see what is right in front of him today.
Do you allow things to be whatever they are? Do you filter things out based on past information and really, it may not even be correctly informing you?
Allowing means not saying “no” when a trigger comes up. Allowing means looking at what that trigger means to you, and seeing if it applies to this situation, or is even true.
2. How do I block allowing?
As implied in the last section, allowing means not saying “no.” I tell my children about the word “no” quite often. Every time you say no, you close a door. And when you allow things, by not saying “no”, you can get more information and see if it is true for you to say no. Before you say no, see what is there. Allowing does not mean saying “yes” or “no” specifically. It can be about just stopping and looking. Waiting.
Now, I can hear you saying - but what about all of the bad things that have happened before? What is wrong with me using that to learn? What is wrong with using my past to inform my future? This is a defense mechanism, which we are so good at creating!
There is nothing “wrong” with it, but if you are trying to live your best life, it doesn’t serve you to hold on to it to color everything you do. If you use past pain to change your life path completely, by saying “no” before you have a complete picture, then you are not living your best life. You are living a partial life. It does not matter if you can’t agree with someone’s philosophy or biases, hate, or anger. If you say “no” and turn away, you are closing off something that you may not know enough about, or may teach you something valuable.
You do not have to agree or disagree to allow. Just watch, listen, ask questions, be curious. Just be one with yourself. Feel whatever “feels” you are getting right at that moment. And if they are “hurty feels” (aka pain) look into what that pain is actually about. Where did it come from? This is an opportunity to heal it.
3. How do I allow?
As I started saying under “How do I block..”, you need to dig a bit. Find out what makes you want to turn away. Is it a fear of repeating your past relationship? If it is, then you have not healed the pain from that relationship. Time to heal it. Is it a fear of being rejected? SO you reject first? Time to heal the feeling of rejection.
Do you see what I am getting at here? When we allow, we open ourselves up to more understanding and connection. When we allow, people are pulled in closer, rather than kept at a distance.
And don’t we all just want to connect? We just don’t know how.
This is one way to heal the things that keep you from connecting.
Get out there and ALLOW yourself to love, lovers!
OMG! I love to love!
And I love you, Katrina!!!!!!
About the Artwork
This painting began as a fun project with my children and my boyfriend's daughter. We were using old squirt bottles from mustards or face wash, old jars, etc, filling them with paint and water, and then squirting or throwing them on a canvas. It was a fun thing to do! And we would check it every so often to see if it was dry enough to add more. The colors ended up being very washed out, so I added some on as well as an outline by hand (yes, painting it in) to add dimension to this. And I felt like it was a map of my life. Sometimes beautiful and messy, at others, just confused and running together, but always with texture and interest.
A song with this art piece is called New Map by M83. This song has inspired me many times to try again. To create a new map or journey for myself and I wanted to share that with you! I hope you enjoy it too!