The Colors of Your Heart

Hi Kat:

I have been thinking about love and heartbreak a lot lately, so here is a little poem and artwork that I put together last night while home alone, thinking about all of the love I have experienced and lost, in various forms. All of the heartbreak I see in others, men I date, those I coach, friends, family, just about anyone in the world. We are all so very hurt when love doesn't work, but if we close ourselves off, we are only half alive. This is for all of us who want to love, but are terrified. You are not alone, we are all terrified and hurt. I hope you like it. 

Heart Colors

I want to see all
of the colors of your heart
All of the secret places
You hide
Where the DO NOT ENTER signs
Were posted long ago
And it grew dark behind that spot
From sadness and neglect
But if you did not have spots like that
You would not be alive
Because you have to love
To be hurt
And to not be hurt means
You have not loved
I have dark spots too
I will show them to you
But please be kind and gentle
There are so very untouched and tender

I want to see the places
Where you gave love away
And you were bitterly deceived
Or thrown away
Or ignored
As if you were nothing more than cold pizza left out over night
Unsightly, unwanted and a reminder of something that is better forgotten
And you did not know if you could survive
But you did
Yes, I have those too
Those unsurvivable heart breaks
That leave you achingly alone
Curled in on yourself
And barely able to wake each day
Because you desperately want to forget
But you don't
Yes, I know that one too

I want to see the colors that latched to the side of your heart
Because you had no idea
That love could be that big
Or powerful
Or pure
And it was so much that it
Could not completely fit inside
And your heart became a bit
Lopsided
Like mine
Skewed to one side
Leaning just a bit
A little distorted
But in the best possible way

I want to know all of your
Fears wrapped up in tight little balls
That you laugh about
So you don't feel the terror
Of trying to love again
Because I know you want to
But it is terrifying

Terrifying to feel that probing deep inside your heart
Where no one was ever meant to go again
Because you had it hermetically sealed
No one in or out
But then the seal was ripped right off
When you had no idea it could be removed
And you felt the air that was trapped escape
And fill up a spot that had been taken by darkness
And even though it is a small portion of your heart
It feels like it is your entire heart
Because you know that if this seal was suddenly ripped off
Every other seal will follow
And then you will be seen
And known
With all of your human flaws
And you will be open and vulnerable like a child
And so you try to run
Because that kind of vulnerability
Is utterly terrifying

Please
Do
Not
Run

I know all of these places too
I have lived with
Laughed with
Cried with them all
And running only keeps you from loving again
The way you were meant to love
With child-like innocence and wonder
Allowing in every amazing second
Of true open connection

You can pause
You can rewind a bit
But if you run
You will never again know
That love you seek

Just wait
And breathe
You deserve that deep deep love
You can just stand there
But here it comes

 

I love you, Katrina! You are a big, bright spot in my heart!

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